Winter in Narnia

thelastwonkabar @ 2005-07-17T12:58:00

2005-07-17T16:59:28Z

Yeah I found the password for this. Should I switch back? I think this may feel more like home. What do you think?

thelastwonkabar @ 2003-01-29T12:46:00

2003-01-29T17:46:59Z

I miss me.

Miss me much?

2003-01-29T17:20:23Z

It's an odd thing to go from The Princess Di of the internet to a reclusive freak in a matter of weeks. I feel like a fish out of water on the internet anymore. It's not a place I like to be. I feel very out of my element. I don't live one of those lives that needs recording. Would anyone even read this if I wrote what I wanted? I don't think you would even recognize me. I live in pajamas and hardly wear any make-up. I just don't have the drive it takes to get dressed up.

Eric and I are doing really well. We are with standing the distancevery nicely. I'm proud of us.

I've had a hacking cough for over a month now. It sounds like whooping cough. It's almost comical. The doctor won't prescribe any medicine for me. She said the cough didn't sound good (Really? I thought it was normal to gasp for breath?)and made me go get a chest x-ray (which turned out fine) and wanted to take blood (I put my foot down on that one). I gained weight. I was really proud of this. I still feel too thin. I am certain that all this coughing is tightening my abs. Eric thinks this is the funniest idea ever. Only I would be capable of getting a work out from coughing.

Oh! I finally got my license! I'm a driving girl! I'm still insanely nervous about driving. I actually sat in the parking lot of work for 40 minutes because there was "too much traffic". I'm pathetic.

We finally get DSL after I hate going online... Go Figure.

It's that time of year again...

2002-12-21T10:43:28Z

This year my family out did itself with four Christmas trees. This either means that they really love the holiday or we falling down the ladder of dysfunction so rapidly that we can't even share anymore. My father has his tree (which has colored lights, every color Christmas ball, tons of tinsel which I am getting tired of pulling from the cat's mouth, and a very ugly Rolling Stones ornament). My mother got greedy this year and got two trees. One has been planted outside and is sporting white lights and red bows. The other has white lights, red balls, and these stupid cardinals. My mother wanted to house to be Classic Christmas (real wreaths, white lights, a candle in every window). My father wanted a Cheesy Christmas complete with plastic snowmen and a 20 foot Grinch. Conclusion? The house was split in two. My father got the family room and the side trees and my mother got the living room and the front of the house.

My dad's parents are arriving on Sunday. This always leads to very interesting stories. As you might recall, last year my mother pushed me out of the "closet" during Christmas dinner. I'm sure this year will be just as memorable.

The other scare with Mum

2002-12-21T10:27:55Z

As if the spider bite wasn't enough, my mother also had to get this mole removed. It apparently has been changing color and shapes for months, but she didn't find it important enough to look into. Why the fuck is that? Because she has my idea of "As long as I don't know about it I don't care". I'm a nervous wreck waiting for these test results. She seems to have completely forgotten about it. I asked her if she is scared or nervous. She said she is a little nervous but not scared. "If it is cancer than that's just something we will have to deal with. I'm not worried about it. It's out of my hands". I told her that I hate this fucking "pre-destination bull shit". Close to everything in our lives can be altered by our own doing. Skin cancer is one of those things. She was quite for a little bit. Probably taking in what I said. She stared off into space, looking in my direction but not really seeing me, "For years I have been telling you that you need to get a tan. I laughed when you put on 55 SPF and made fun of you when you tried to buy 75 SPF", she than got a very funny look on her face, "Now look at where we are. The world works in funny ways", with that she continued to bake her cookies.

Brown Recluse and Hobo Spiders.

2002-12-21T10:10:39Z

I can't sleep. I'm letting my imagination get carried away yet again. I'm not sure if I mentioned this when it occurred, but a few months ago my mother got a nasty insect bite that turned pitch black, was extremely painful, made it difficult to move her fingers, and didn't heal for months. The doctors had no clue as to what bit her. Months past. The wound healed. All was forgotten. At least for the time being... a few months past and then the black wound returned. It continued to do so on and off for months. I began to do research and even though Eric found me crazy, I swore up and down that my mother was bitten by a Brown Recluse spider. The other day the scar returned. My mother went to the doctor and the doctor said that she too thought the bite might be from a brown recluse or a hobo spider, both of which are found in my area. When my mother came home we did some research into these spiders (mainly the hobo spider because we knew very little of it). Some of the bite pictures looked exactly like my mothers... The others, the majority, looked much much worse... People had to get limbs cut off because of these bites. The skin rotted away due to the venom. I have a very strong stomach and can take a lot of things, but these photos were just too much. For an example of what bothered me so much please refer to examples a and b. I must warn you; these are not for the weak of heart. This is what my mothers bite looked like. All I keep thinking about is how this spider was mostly found in my room... under my bed. I never had a problem with spiders being in my room. I really like spiders. I am actually a sick freak and think they are beautiful and interesting beings... But here I am, half a sleep, with visions of brown recluse and hobo spiders dancing in my little head, when all of a sudden a feel something on my face. I don't think I have ever moved so fast in my entire life. I moved faster than my battle with the evil earwigs. It turned out to just be my hair, but that is besides the point. I can't fucking live like this. I woke up my father right away and informed him that my room will be sprayed for spiders tomorrow. He told me to, "Shut the fuck up" (It is wise to note that I informed him of this at 4:30 a.m.)::shudders:: I shall keep you posted.

Because everyone else is doing it

2002-12-19T19:40:17Z

View Poll: question

On a side note:

2002-12-19T19:06:11Z

Yesterday was my last day at B.C.C.C. ever. It was very anti-climatic and slightly depressing. Three years of my life, wasted. I don't know what I was expected though. Balloons?Clowns? ::shudders at the thought of it:: For my life to suddenly morph into something legible?

Fuck Goth - A Memoir by Renee Marshall

2002-12-19T18:56:53Z

I had the best night ever last night. Jen (jt489) and I attended Nocturne last night. I was just giddy with excite to be hanging out with the wife. I have missed that girl too much. On the way there we talked about all the good times we used to have. We laughed about ex boyfriends and listened to music that most of our other friends would be appalled to find out we listen to. We got a great parking spot, despite how late we got there (I had to close the store). I ran into people I missed and we actually met a lot of new people (which never happens to us). I ran into Erica (slitwingedangel) who looked amazing and beautiful as always (How does she do that?!). Together we watched on in amazement as some girl's dancing technique looked strangely like jump & jacks. We also saw Rebecca damneddolly who is too cute for words. She is such a cute little cyber girl. I love her style. I noticed cyber seems to be the newest trend at Nocturne. I'm pretty happy about this. Most cyber kids are so cute I just want to go up and pet them. I also saw and spoke with Jeff phillyglamgoth. He wants us to make plans to hang out soon. Jen and I have to oddest adventures. This included a guy randomly coming up to me and saying, "My friend over there wants your phone number. He thinks you're really hot. Then again he is also really drunk so we aren't sure if he really thinks or hot or not". Laughter ensued. Damn it, I hate being one of those girls who is "hot" only when the guy is really drunk. It turned out to be too much excitement for one night and Jen and myself retired early. We did, however, have great adventures to add to the Jen and Renee story book

A forgotten story of interest

2002-12-17T18:27:42Z

Last Friday I went to a flea market with my parents. My mother has made a good business at selling things she finds for double what she pays (for all of you who asked where I get my "interesting" bags). I was doing some Christmas shopping there (I'm not that cheap. Money is tight this year.) when I suddenly felt someone looking at me. I gazed up and saw a short man with close to no teeth watching me. I nodded at him and continued to look at junk. He apparently took this nod as an invite and waltzed over to me. The first words out of his mouth and I quote were, "Ya legal?". I shook my head "no" and continued to look at junk. "How young?" I replied with the lie of "16". His retort, "Not bad... not bad...". I was flabbergasted and oddly amused. If 16 is not bad to a 40 year old man, than what is bad? 12? 15? 8? He than continued to try and pick me up until it stopped being amusing and started getting annoying. I ran away saying over my shoulder, "I have to go find my mommy".

thelastwonkabar @ 2002-12-17T10:10:00

2002-12-17T18:14:53Z

Yesterday I attended a Freestyle rap session. I found this insanely amusing. Most of the raps spoke of "ghetto living" and what not. All I kept thinking was, "Idiots, you live in Bucks County and attend college. How much could you possibly know of the ghetto".

I thought I finally fixed my broken space bar, but I was sorely mistaken. Apparently the huge M&M Heather somehow wedged under the key isn't the only problem.

thelastwonkabar @ 2002-12-11T13:44:00

2002-12-11T18:46:34Z

Jen and I were planning on attending Nocturne, but this frozen rain put a damper on our plans. We still have next week, or the week after that, or the week after that.

I'm so bored with life. Does anyone want to hang out sometime soon? I need some new faces in my life. Let me know.

thelastwonkabar @ 2002-12-08T15:57:00

2002-12-08T20:58:03Z

I used to use video games as a way to let my brain rot. I would sit in front of the old NES and waste away hours upon hours. My mind was blissfully blank. The only things I thought of was where to find the next mushroom. This sanctuary of stupidity is now endanger. Games today tend to be just too hard. They take much more time and much more involvement. Instead of 2 minutes until the next mushroom in Super Mario, I now spend 3 hours trying to find the secret passage ways in Metroid Prime. My brain actually hurts when I am done playing video games as of late. I miss the old days when video games were stupid, ill thought out, and just mind numbing instead of mind boggling.

thelastwonkabar @ 2002-12-06T20:10:00

2002-12-07T04:14:15Z

I love stomachs. There is no other body part that makes me just melt. If I see a sexy tummy, it practically kills me. I actually get chills from the sheer excitement of it. Is anyone else like this with a body part?

thelastwonkabar @ 2002-12-06T19:39:00

2002-12-07T04:00:30Z

While watching 20/20 with my father we began talking about teens and sex (the topic of the show). Most of the people on this show were pre-teen and I wasn't so shocked that they were engaging in these activities, but I was shocked by the openess they admitted to their sexual encounter. My mother knows that I am no longer a virgin, but to the best of my father knowledge I am purer than The Virgin Mary. So, we began talking of this topic and I voiced that the statistic they were showing were tainted. The show was claiming that about 40% of teens are still virgins. There is no freaking way that can be true. I only knew two virgins in high school. I think the kids lied and tainted the survey. Once I told him this he started rambling about me not living in the real world and me having no clue what I was talking about. This pissed me off more than you can imagine. I told him that most of my friends are gay and I have to witness the injustice that they suffer. That more then half my friends have been addicted to some drug at some point and I have had to see them sweat bullets waiting for their next hit and I have held their hands as they came crashing down from a high. That I have seen dead bodies. A Teenage girl with a fucking needle sticking out her arm covered in her own vomit. That I have lost more friends than I care to count tot hings such as suicide, over doses, and even fucking murder. How the hell can he say I am sheltered from the real world? He then said that it "sucks" that I had to go threw all that, but I don't know what it's like out there. This infuriated me. No Dad, you're right. I have only been to hell and back, but since I live in the suburbs none of that counts. Fucking narrow-minded dick.

He also went on a rant about gay men being disguisting. I retored with, "What the fuck ever. What do you think about two girls going at it?". He replied with the stero-typical male response, "That's different". I actually wanted to hit him when he said that. I Hate Ignorance!!!! I wanted to scream,"I'm glad you think that way, because you know I'm bisexual right?". He knows I'm bisexual. As you might recall, that came out (no pun intended) on Christmas. He just likes to ignore it. Or maybe he just forgot. Neither would surprise me.

thelastwonkabar @ 2002-12-06T08:52:00

2002-12-06T16:57:14Z

Everyone knows I am not a religious person. Nine years of Catholic school does odd things to a persons spirit. For years I have battled with the questions, "Is there a God?" and "Does Heaven really exsist?". After years of soul searching all signs began to point to "no". I just couldn't believe in something I couldn't see. All that changed this morning. I woke up and there it was. The answer I had been looking for. Ladies and Gentlemen, there is a god and its name is Krispy Kreme donuts.

thelastwonkabar @ 2002-12-05T17:24:00

2002-12-06T01:43:35Z

I am trying out Heathers new computer yet again. I think it is beyond slow, slower than the piece of shit that rests upstairs. At least I will have my own computer back. ::sigh of relief:: I have missed my own personal misery machine.

If I get asked one more question about this fucking computer... AHHHHHH!!!!! My family seems to think if you can type mildly fast that you are fucking Bill Gates. I know nothing about computers. I know how to turn them on. I know how to type. I know how to connect to the internet. That is the extent of my computer knowledge.

My whole family had a snow day today. I locked myself in my room for fear that there would be a remake of The Shining staring The Marshall Family.

My dad is talking to me about sports. I have no clue what is going on. I am so confused. This is happening more and more often. My family either thinks that I am an Einstein like being and am very well educated in all walks of life, or just like to annoy the fucking piss out of me.

My cursing is getting worse. I'm a fucking red-headed sailor... minus the STD's.

The new computer doesn't have AOL. I love that. I can use the journal and not worry about being fucked with. I am so tired of my life being tampered by the internet. That is so pathetic.

Jen and I were planning on rocking the party that rocks the party next Wednesday. I was just informed that the store is now open until 10; which means I won't get home until about 11. We shall see what happens. I really wanted to go. I would probably be a huge dork and go incognito (Didn't I wear a wig and glasses last time?! LMAO. I rock.). Why do I do this? Because I can? Nah, I just want to go and dance with Jen. I hate being bothered by petty club psycho-drama. It went from being a fun experience to something unbearable so gradually that it was hard to notice until it hit you over the head. I know a few people agree with me. Oh well. I don't give a fuck anymore. I'm going to go, have fun, and be me. I'm not going to let the little shit bother me anymore.

thelastwonkabar @ 2002-12-04T14:04:00

2002-12-05T19:02:34Z

The snow is falling. There is a beautiful red headed woodpecker perching outside my window. I have been watching him on and off for hours now. He looks so happy.He keeps fluffing up his feathers and singing. His little red mohawk the only color on this white day.

I am so immature. I keep giggling over the tufted tit mouse outside. ::breaks into laughter::... Poor bird.

I redid my wish list. I am now reviewing the wish lists of friends. I am playing Santa this year.

The snow always makes me feel so romantic. I wish Eric was here to cuddle under the blanket in a room only lit by candles. I wish he was here to build snowmen and igloos with. I can picture us wrestling in the snow all red faced and numb, but loving every minute of it. That, to me, is romance. That is what makes life worth living... Well, that and oral sex.

thelastwonkabar @ 2002-12-04T11:20:00

2002-12-04T16:34:57Z

I've missed my journal greatly. Lately I have felt so cut off from the rest of the world. I talk to no one except my family and Eric. I feel like my own little island. I am growing to hate it. I feel so alone and left out. I wake up, go to school, go to work, go home. It's the same old thing day after day. I'm in a rut. School is almost over. Thankfully. I didn't think I could make it through this semester alive. Now to just get over the holiday. Speaking of which, please forward me your wishlists.

It's so pathetic that I have not written for about a month, but yet I have nothing to say. This means that life is going really well, or really horribly. It's odd to be the infamous "Drama Queen", but yet I have no real drama at this point and time. Umm... hmm.. I'm wearing a sweater with a penguin on it(?). Yup...yup...yup... It sucks falling from grace.

I'm suppose to be getting a new camera for Christmas. Heather got a new computer, so maybe I will have internet access again soon. Well, I suppose I could have internet access now. I am abstanting from the internet under my own "free" will. I never saw the internet as a dangerous place. I viewed it as a meeting ground. I have met some of the most interesting, sweetest, and amazing people thanks to the internet. A few months ago, however, it became obvious that the internet is all they say it is. Nothing is what it seems. "Don't trust anything that can think for itself".

I have really missed all of you though.

Happy Birthday Screw!!!!!

2002-11-15T18:45:59Z

I was sitting outside enjoying the amazing feeling of a good book (Choke by Chuck Palahniuk) and unseasonal solar warmth. I love the feeling of sun on my skin (Remember to wear sunblock. I always dawn 55 SPF). The warmth is just so invigorating. It is one of the few things that makes me feel good and reminds me that I'm still alive (How fucking Goth was that?! *slit slit*). So, picture this if you will: Little old me, bundled in my winter coat, engrossed in a good book, and basking myself in beautiful sun light. Picture perfect afternoon, right? Well, it certainly had the makings to be. However, that was taken from me. Bastards. I'm on campus 3 days a week for about 7 hours. During this time, it's rare people come and talk to me. I sometimes get waves or smiles, but even that is unusual. Today, however, everyone feels the need to talk to me as I try to enjoy some sun and this book. If you notice someone is alone reading a book you do not go up to them. You can wave to them. You can smile at them. But for the love of all things holy, don't ruin their good time. What you do is this: Wave to them, smile at them, and then wait for them to continue further with the interaction. It's common fucking courtesy. I tried to keep conversation to a minimum. I even picked up my book a few times and tried to finish the page I was on, but these selfish bastards weren't having it. Keep in mind, I didn't even know these people! They just randomly felt the need to talk to me. Now, if I was sitting there, looking bored, and staring into space, than by all means, come up and "shoot the shit". But if someone is sitting there, enjoying the sun and reading a good book, you leave them the fuck alone. What eventually happened was I had to leave my warm little cocoon and head inside to read. It wasn't the same, but I was getting back into it. All of a sudden, they strike again. I than had to pick up and head to the library. I swear to god, if they come in here it's going down... I'm not sure what is going down exactly, but mark my words, something will go down.

It's Eric's birthday today. He is 25. My big guy. I am flying down to see him and look into moving down there next weekend. I want to check out the schools and look into apartments. I can't wait to see him. Eric was laughing at me last night because I was freaking out due to the fact that my flight number sounds like the number of a plane that can go down. Flight 402... This just in... Flight 402 Dallas to Philadelphia was crashed in an empty field. There appears to be no survivors. Once again, American Air flight 402 Dallas to Philadelphia has crashed. The full story tonight at 11.

thelastwonkabar @ 2002-11-08T12:23:00

2002-11-08T17:45:43Z

Why is it that I haven't updated (meaning a real update) in weeks, but yet I have nothing to write about? How is that possible? I'm pretty sure things have occurred. I'm just not sure what they are. "Lets do the time warp again!

A certain someone found naked pictures in a magazine of some girl in our class. I was shocked and oddly entertained. I know, however, that I will never be able to look at this girl again, knowing that I have seen her tits, with out blushing. Atleast she had nice boobs *thumbs up*. If she had weird nipples of ugly breast my uncomfortable feelings would have tripled. Lauren, you suck. See the position you put me in?!

Eric finally got his own store. I'm so proud of him. He works so hard. I know this will work out for him. My little worker bee. (How disguistingly cute was that?!)

In Math, I over heard some girl shit talking someone else. She was stating that this other female wore too much make-up and was "just plain ugly". The girl saying this looks like a bull dog in blue eye shadow. I know I will be stepping on some toes with this statement, but it needs to be said. If you look like a bulldog, which happens to be one of the ugliest dogs in existance, who the fuck are you to decide who is attractive?! Now, I know that I am not the prettiest ring in the case, but come on.... That would be like me making fun of someone for wearing black. I sometimes wish I had the mirror these people look in. I wouldn't mind have a distorted self image, if it worked in my favor.

I never noticed that I type with out looking at the keys. It is offical. I have spent too much time on the Internet.

My school is full of characters. I just love to sit back and watch (What a perverted thing to say). Today I heard a weird comment that threw me for a loop (Hey, a phrase I have never used before). It was getting loud in the hall and some girl screamed out, "How dare they talk when I'm learning!!!! Fuckers!!!". That just struck me as so odd. Okay, I'm just weird.

~~I still can't get over seeing that girl naked. You suck Lauren~~

I ordered a few books from Amazon. After processing the order I got a message stating my order will be mailed on January 17th. Why the fuck didn't they tell me that in advance?! I wouldn't have paid the extra money for express shipping. Everyone is working against me.

That is all for now. I shall write more as it comes to me.

thelastwonkabar @ 2002-11-06T14:48:00

2002-11-06T19:49:42Z

Dear Lord. I haven't posted in ages. This is not like me. What am I becoming?!

Brief catch up on my life:
Eric came up this past weekend. It was so nice to see him. I love that guy more than words can describe. I'd start airing out your good clothing, people. It looks like a wedding will be coming up ::crosses fingers::

I promise a bigger update later. I swear... Cross my heart. I miss everyone so much.

thelastwonkabar @ 2002-10-25T14:07:00

2002-10-25T18:28:27Z

I'm so tired my eyes are burning. This working two jobs is going to kill me. I can tell this by only doing it one week. I am already missing my days of nothing but me, the couch, a blanket, and Animal Crossing.

Eric is coming up on the 1st. I can't wait. I am too excited. We haven't seen each other since the middle of August and with all that happened a few weeks ago, we need some face to face time.

I have been extra clingy to him recently. Constantly afraid and worried that he will break up with me again. Is every one tired of hearing about this subject over and over? I figured as much... sorry. I shall from this moment forward, try to keep the business that goes on between Eric, myself, and my insecurities between the three of us. I can't make any promises that I will keep it up, but I will try. I love you Screw.

School is becoming too mundane. My life is an endless cycle. The girls who made fun of me in high school are in one of my classes. Much to my dismay, they didn't OD on drugs, have 800 kids by the age of 17, or die from toxic shock syndrome. I have such shitty luck. Everyday these "ladies" talk about me amoungst themselves. They are so dimwitted, that they often forget not to stare at me as they mock me. Today I over heard one of the girls trying to convince the other girl to throw food at me (I can't even adequately express how immature I find this. I find it so immature that it's insanely amusing in a slap stick humor kind of way). The girl kept refusing. The other girl than offered her $5 to do it. They began to giggle. I turned to the girl being bribed to throw the food and said, "$5?! Hell, I'd do it". That shut them the fuck up. Fucking idiots forget not to stare and also forget to lower their voices. ::kicks them all square in the clit::

Hmm... I am becoming violent in my old age. I love it.

I don't have plans for Halloween. This is a first for me. A few people have asked me to go trick or treating. I find that so stupid. It's fun when your little. It takes on a whole knew meaning when you have kids of your own, but at the in between stages it's pointless and tiring. I would rather get dressed up, buy myself a few bags of candy, and then go out dancing or to a show. My neighborhood has houses so far apart that you will walk for 2 hours and only get about 20 mini candy bars. What is the bloody point of trick or treating in this area? Explain this to me please. I did trick or treating once up here back in 10th grade. I walked and walked and walked in the cold. We were out for about 4 hours. When I got home my heels were actually bleeding. How much candy did I get? Probably a pound. Another beef (I have never used that phrase ever) I have with trick or treating in Bucks County Pa is the wasting of a perfectly good costume. We don't have street lights here. No one can see what your wearing. If I am going to spend the time to get dressed up and look good, I want people to be able to see it. Please do not take this rant as anti-Halloween propaganda. I am a HUGE fan of Halloween and all things having to do with Halloween, except trick or treating in the middle of Bumblefuck.

I listened to the poll and got a "sexy" nurse costume. Every year my parents throw a big after Halloween Halloween party. It should be fun. I will get my two favorite things in the world: playing dress up and playing with Eric.

thelastwonkabar @ 2002-10-24T14:51:00

2002-10-24T17:41:01Z

I'm okay. Don't worry. I just don't have anything to write about. I don't feel comfortable online. I shall probably write a real entry in a few days. I start a new job today. Yay!

thelastwonkabar @ 2002-10-17T00:12:00

2002-10-17T03:04:24Z

View Poll: monkey head